Once again, I am reminded of what an empath I am. My dog is old now, and failing. And as she decides not to eat and she turns her incredibly talented nose up at food she previously never could get enough of, my energy level is zapped. A year ago she still hiked with me quite a distance and now she can barely go around the block. She wants to carry on like she used to, at times with enthusiasm, only to find she can’t.
My mind sees the scenario playing out until its inevitable end ahead of time instead of living in the moment and looking for the positive. And my own days are labored with heaviness. I’ve gone the way of Nietzsche, Camus, and Schopenhauer. All of my spiritual stability has gone out the window. Where is my resilience, where is my equanimity?
Then, at bedtime last night she suddenly gets this hunger and finishes off the stuffing mix I made earlier in the day. Note I went to the grocery store searching every isle for things I thought she might possibly eat since she seems averse to any real dog food now. I came home with graham crackers, stuffing mix, chicken noodle soup, canned dog food, and pork rinds. She has been getting a half a hot dog in each meal for months now after she went through a low point six months ago and decided not to eat then. Now that doesn’t even appeal to her. I do know these are not vet recommended foods…. oh well.
And at a very weak level I also know she’s milking this for all its worth wondering what great treat I might come up with next instead of boring dog food, not knowing we’re running out of options. It’s like a contest between what she won’t eat and what I can come up with that she will.
So suddenly, for now, my mood has soared. She’s hungry again. The future is bright for now! Seize the day.
One Seeker's Story 