Someone I esteem insulted me, judged me about how I spend my time. The above artwork is my own. The judgment was that spending time creating art is “whiling away my time” and I should spend my time more fruitfully. Finally, in my advancing years, I feel quite confident about my life choices so this threw me. I had to think about it a little, question myself a little, but also I had to not react negatively and remain confident about my own life.
For one thing, the judgment came from someone who made a huge assumption and knows little about how I spend my time. I live a fairly quiet life and refuse to defend myself as I feel my actions are enough. To defend myself would be to “brag” or tell this person why I am better than he/she assumes I am. To me, that is not necessary. I won’t even do that here, that is, go into the why’s and reasons I think my time spent creating art is beneficial and worthwhile.
Immediately, I thought the book The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz. I remembered that one of the agreements was “never make assumptions”. This person made a huge assumption about me. I love the Ruiz book and think that it is a great guide for living. So I am posting the 4 agreements here as I review them.
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word: Speak with integrity and say only what you mean. Avoid using words to harm yourself or others, including gossip or self-criticism. Your word is powerful, so use it to spread truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do or say is because of you; it reflects their own beliefs, emotions, or reality. By not taking things personally, you avoid unnecessary suffering and maintain inner peace.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions: Avoid assuming you know others’ thoughts, intentions, or actions. Instead, ask questions and communicate clearly to prevent misunderstandings, conflict, or drama.
4. Always Do Your Best: Do your best in every moment, understanding that your best varies depending on circumstances (e.g., health, energy). This prevents self-judgment, regret, or guilt, as you act with full effort and intention.
It is hard not to judge others. I also did that recently and I did it verbally and I regretted it later. The insight that came to me at the time was “why would I want to deprive another of what makes them happy?” Now, I keep this in mind if a negative or judgmental thought arises in me. Even if it is a crazy driver who just has to get in front of me by lane changing. If that makes him or her happy, let it be.
One Seeker's Story 