Dealing With a Difficult Relationship

I’ve struggled with trying to deal with a close relative relationship challenge ever since last December’s holidays. We were treated extremely rudely for no good reason and I am having a difficult time not letting this take up brain real estate. Furthermore, it was part of an ongoing pattern, so the character has been well established. But, I’d like to let it go. A recent event called it up again, making me work on myself all day yesterday. By mid-day I found myself in a good place through a thought process where I drew from lessons I’d been taught that applied to this situation. I made a list, and below, I’m sharing that list. Maybe this can help someone else.

Before I get to that list I’d like to add that the situation feels absurd on some primary level. Like you couldn’t make this stuff up because the twists and turns surrounding it are so astoundingly interconnected. Like some grand design with a jester behind it is at play. Like I have a lesson to learn and I’d better learn it. That we are all actors on a stage playing our roles but the play is impromptu. That “life isn’t real”.

Here’s my list:

1. Have compassion for this person. A good definition of compassion is to wish happiness for others.
2. Don’t judge. We know everyone is doing the best that they can.
3. What I think is reflected back to me so keep my thoughts positive.
4. Trust that there is karma, it is at play here, and all will be well.
5. The natural state of the mind is stillness and peace.
6. I love myself. I am so loved.
7. Be humble and grateful. I am so blessed.
8. Don’t make up imaginary scenarios or jump to conclusions or make assumptions. Because if I do, they are probably false.
9. Don’t try to control it or force it. What am I so afraid of? Can’t I just go with the flow and trust?
10. Stay joyful.
11. Nothing really matters. Don’t be attached to this. Let it go.
12. This is a test, a game, a school. Learn from this. Stay calm.
13. What I give out comes back to me. What you hate hates you back. What you love loves you back.
14. I deserve happiness and am worthy.
15. Don’t give it energy. Stay in the present moment.
16. Don’t demonize anyone. That usually doesn’t work out for the best.
17. Forgive. Not because they deserve it. Because you deserve peace.
18. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. But… Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
19. Be harmonious with everyone. But respect yourself and take care of yourself.
20. Be kind, but step back when necessary.
21. Where’s the humor? Laugh and don’t take life so seriously.

After some time of working through this mentally, I did my daily meditation and that sealed the healing. The message that came through to me and warmed my heart was “you are so loved”. It was a blissful meditation. In the end, perhaps this kind of challenge reaches the core of our being, testing whether we know how loved we are, and we are all so loved. Once we realize that, we feel so secure that we are no longer vulnerable.